Saturday, October 22, 2016

A Room of One's Own

Suppose, for instance, that men were only represented in literature as the lovers of women, and were never the friends of men, soldiers, thinkers, dreamers; how few parts in the plays of Shakespeare could be allotted to them; how literature would suffer! We might perhaps have most of Othello; and a good deal of Antony; but no Caesar, no Brutus, no Hamlet, no Lear, no Jaques –literature would be incredibly impoverished, as indeed literature is impoverished beyond our counting by the doors that have been shut upon women.

 - Virginia Woolf

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Free Fall

It's been too high, my Lord.
I trust You to not let me fall
for the high will crush my bad bones.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Naive

They said welcome to the cruel world
Some said welcome to the new world.

Well, that's funny, my dear friends. You don't have to remind me what the world is like. As I said earlier, you don't have to remind me for I knew it better. Maybe it's a new or a cruel world for you but it's all same for me, personally. Welcome to the world, my naive friends ;)

Friday, July 29, 2016

Southern Delta Aquarids

Finally! I've seen a meteor! This year is rich with meteor shower and fortunately, my dear friends, today was its peak season for southern delta aquarids! I still can't believe I saw one!! And with my favorite girl friends! I was ecstatic!!! I literally jumped and screamed.

At first, I thought it was a plane. Then it became brighter and whiter (?). It was yellow, bright yellow almost white I think, maybe its chemical composition is iron. Okay, I don't care. I'm so happy ;)

Saturday, July 23, 2016

The Conversation

It was supposed to be a joke, a jest, a jabber, a blabber.
Yet being a strange person I was,
I didn't find a normal joke particularly amusing.

My mum wondered if I was born with bad luck. She laughed.
I stood up from the chair, tall and proud, and told her that...
life is a matter of perspective and I am fortunate.

Sunday, July 03, 2016

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Merde

I do not know what I want right now. I want something new yet I stay. I want talking with some friends yet crowded tortures me. I want to be left alone yet my thought tires me out. I want to be happy yet I can't even crack a smile. I want to be a nice person but I'm too sad and too angry. I want everything works perfectly fine but, shit, that will not be a life.

Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don't think I'm winning anymore

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Michaelis

The more emotions are oppressed, the more they tend to flare up.
That is the kind of creature man is, do you not agree?

Thursday, June 16, 2016

I have a friend

She's not smart, don't judge me, she admitted it herself, she's not beautiful, she's not popular, she's just a common girl. She's the kind of girl you see in high school who comes to school, has small circle of friends to talk, has an acceptable grades, and has no after school activities. She's just there. I also thought the same. She's too plain and no spark, no ambition, not my kind of friend (I know people will hate me for being an arrogant brat I was). I thought I better distance myself because she might give a bad influence.

How sweet, how naive. I am the bad influence honestly.

As years goes by, I find that I like her company. She's funny, she's humble (OMG she does!), she's innocent, she's lucky, she's loyal, she's friendly, she's brave, she's independent, and she's inhumanly strong.

I really want to thank her for teaching me something that I can't get from whatever classes or lessons I have. She taught me to be kind, to be nice, to love and respect others. She indirectly showed me that God's always good. I don't know why she wants to have a friend like me. I ditched her when we were high school. Geez, I remember that I even made her cry once.

She will be leaving town on August and I can't help but feeling blue. She's always there and the thought of her leaving this town is just crush me. I need these people to make me human, to make me normal but they're leaving me. My brother, her...

Guess, I don't have a clue how to survive this year, humanly.

Midnight Musing (2)

I can't sleep. These past few days, I really tried to sleep at 10 pm sharp but it was pointless and useless. When I was really stressed with my uni's problem, I slept easily! Like a friggin' child. Now, when nothings in my mind, I keep wandering the night. I need to sleep seriously for this habit isn't healthy.


Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Midnight Musing

Sometimes I think I'm not worth anything but I have too much of God's kindness.
A mercy, an unconditional love, a friendship, and...
Sometimes I think that I have wasted too much of God's kindness.
You may say I am an ungrateful person, I do not object.
I tried to change, to love, to care.
God knows I tried indeed.
And, yes, let there be light to light up my life.

Wednesday, June 08, 2016

Dear Lord,

Thank You for giving me the strength
and the conviction
to complete the task you entrusted to me.
Thank You for guiding me straight
and true
through the many obstacles in my path
and for keeping me resolute
when all around seemed lost.
Thank You for Your protection
and Your many signs along the way.
Thank You for any good that I may have done,
I'm so sorry about the bad.
Thank You for the friend I made.
Please watch over her as you watched over me.
Thank You for finally allowing me to rest.
I'm so very tired,
but I go now to my rest at peace.
Knowing that I have done right
with my time on this earth.
I fought the good fight,
I finished the race,
I kept the faith.

Saturday, April 30, 2016

A Killer

he's wandering, analyzing, and calculating,
He's sleeping
he's living, worshiping, and forgiving,
He's sleeping
he's taking chances of salvation,
He's sleeping
deep... deep...
in Styx,
He's sleeping
I pray so that
He will sleep and slumber
in Tartarus



do not go gentle into that good night,
rage, rage against the dying of the light

Friday, April 29, 2016

Decent

Young lad, you gave me one hell of a joke.
For you told me that I was beautiful.
Nah, I was far away from it.

I have wavy hair.
Oh, not the sexy messy wavy hair.
When I say wavy, I mean
the absolutely not sexy messy wavy hair
which is the thick wavy hair.
I'm afraid there are living creatures in there.
I have dark skin.
No, definitely not golden brown that makes everyone looks smokin' hot.
Just dark and not so smooth.
I'm not tall and I'm a bit underweight.
My eyes, they're small. And I'm mono lid.
My nose, hmm I wish I had more money to do nose job but let's cover it with some contour.
My lips, far away from those beautiful and sexy lips!
My teeth, got a bad gene huh. Not beautiful straight white teeth I guess.
My fingers, oh gosh. They're short. And fat!
My boobs, hmm I did say, I was underweight so... figure it out.

So, darling, if we use universal beauty standards,
I'm not in the list.
I'm not ugly either.
I'm decent. Cheers!

Trapped

A friend told me that love is bitter.
I smiled.
A friend asked me which color is better.
I sipped my tea.
A friend showed me pictures of her lover.
I yawned.

Loves, she is a hospitable person! I do not want to admit it but I simply have no clue how to deal with this kind of person. I have this urge to tell her, to admit, that I do not give a flying darn about her life. But I can't because she is awfully nice.
That leaves me with no other choices, I will pretend as if I care.
Even if it's exhausting,
Even if my pseudo smile is ugly
or my eyes shows emptiness,
I will pretend.

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Trauma

For in every scene of life, I see the eyes. The ugly ones.
And when I look at it, I gag so much.
And when one is gagged, thousands of mouth will open
with more eyes to see
and ears will hear the truth.

Friday, March 18, 2016

Blah

He said that he knew my character
Said that I was a headstrong
and arrogant.

Aw, it tickled my heart.
If I had one.

Well, yeah, the last thing I want to do is being inappropriate to certain people. These are for people who used a false judgement on me. Or maybe... it was not false, I just happen to loathed the person who said it. I do not care, still suits for the person anyway.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

The World was Wide Enough

Legacy.
What is a legacy?
It’s planting seeds in a garden
you never get to see
I wrote some notes at the beginning of a song
someone will sing for me

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Lemongrass

 
Story goes like this. I decided to plant my own lemongrass. Like every new beginning, I was hopeful and water them every morning. Days went by, nothing happened and things got hectic. I basically stopped watering altogether and left them to fend for themselves in scorching Brisbane weather. Thought they're dead by now but guess how surprised I was to find green leaves thriving this morning. Often times, the crucial stages in life are slow, with not much visible progress. But just because it is not visible, doesn't mean it's not there. I'm thankful that even when I'm slow (such as this lemongrass), God is gentle and patient. He who began the good work in you will carry it to completion.

My cousin shared it on her ig. I guess I should plant a lemongrass too, hm? I've always heard that plant is the perfect metaphor for life but why use metaphor when plant is life?

Wednesday, March 09, 2016

Garbage Man

I see poverty everywhere. I hear people begging for a job every time. Those are kind of usual for me. I can't feel any pities nor sympathies anymore.

Until I heard and I saw, a garbage man begging for a low job for his own son who recently had finished high school. I had never feel this way before. Geez they're just acquaintances I shouldn't waste my thoughts on them. But I was angry. I didn't know why. Maybe it was because the garbage man was like set a limit for his son or maybe because the garbage man had never preached his son to study hard or maybe because the garbage man permitted his son to dream big. 


Then I realized that I had no place to vent my rage.




Last touch, here it is. the partial solar eclipse.



Tuesday, March 08, 2016

An Old Question

My father once asked me what was the largest number I could think of. I said that I didn't know. He asked me again if I believe there was a largest number in this world. Ah... old times, I did math just for grades. I found out that there was no such thing as a largest number when I was a teenager. Now, I finally understand the question.

If the infinities don't exist, how is God infinite?

Though that doesn't mean I don't believe in God.