An Innocent Wish

Dear Naomi, happy 22th birthday. I wish you all joyousness in your lucky life. God bless you abundantly.

Ashamed

Not in thy assumption
It just that her emotion
Doesn't want any attention
Is that what she keeps telling on?
No. This person
Knows what humiliation
So weak and fragile
She will cry as she pours her heart
So weak so sad
She's living a fear
She speaks in tears
To save some meaningless pride
She keeps it in her heart
Doesn't know she falls hard
Smile in her face is so fake
So weak so sad
Something's wrong in her head

Numb

Time's ticking, heart's beating, head's spinning. If someone slices my throat with a knife, it wouldn't be more painful than the fate which has to be accepted.

After I, unintentionally, looked that stupid book, I went pale. I wanted to run and cry and whatsoever. Days after days, I was still a sad girl. Those terrible weeks made even a smile couldn't plastered on my face. I was miserable, furious, and sad. My thoughts flew to all my friends which successfully makes me more sad. "Will I be alone?" "Will I look like an idiot if I stay too long?" Even everyone comforted me, I knew one thing only for sure. They would leave me, I was left behind.

So through this post, I want to apologize to everyone who got hurt by me. I'm really sorry if I shut you out, especially my friends and my brother. Sorry for gave you a cold response, sorry for this bad attitude of mine. This week has been so hard and I was so sensitive. I cried in my prayers, every time. I was so jealous of you, guys. Jealousy seriously and unhesitatingly took a big space in my heart.

... but the numbness still had her.

Heartache

"If you love someone, set him free, the saying goes. Yeah, right! Who wants to do that?! When you love someone, the last thing you want to do is set him or her free. You want to cling to him like the last life jacket on the Titanic. Sometimes this works out, if the person doesn't mind, or even adores, your clinging. Other times, if the person doesn't feel the same as you, you just end up causing yourself a huge amount of heartache."

Written

It's funny, how words can affect your life.
Each one by itself means nothing,
but put when they are placed together
it just changes everything.

Proses

Saat keadaan memilih untuk diam
namun tiap detik selalu berteriak,
nikmatilah.

Saat raga melaun
namun partikel lain melayang di semesta,
nikmatilah.

Sebab menanti dalam keadaan yang diam,
dalam raga yang laun,
lebih nikmat untuk dikecap
daripada harus melaju guna
mendiamkan tiap detik,
menuju tanpa jurusan.