Wake up, Princess

Hi, it's been almost 2 months. How have you been? When I visit this blog, I wanna cry. This blog is like a story of my lifetime. Well, not my whole lifetime exactly, just form high school. I've been through such a rough life recently. I had cried, cursed, and screamed a lot in a few month. I had ignored some people. Until I woke up and I realized that I had paused my life and I need to resumed it. Let's say things are complicated back then. My dog, Scooby, had died and...some problems. I just think that God is so good to me all the time but also mean sometimes. But believe me, the world is too big to be traveled by yourself, you need someone to trust, you simply just need God. Believe me when I say, the problems that you face are too heavy for your shoulders to hold on, you need back up, your soul is craving for God's kindness.

Enough for self-pity. Here are some songs which stay on in my playlist now.

Too Lazy To Think a Title

Hi. I don't wanna post anything today but I feel like I should share my thoughts. I silently wanted somebody right now. Liking someone, wanting them, when they don't want you is like that point during apparition when you are being squeezed from all sides, only you never pop put on the other side. He unknowingly broke my heart countless time. Of course he doesn't know. I never tell him. I wanna make sure first, is this like a stupid effect from someone who's good, handsome, beauty, cool? It's hard to ignore at beauty. When a beautiful woman, or man, or flower or painting crosses your path, your eyes follow, just as sunflowers turn their heads to follow the sun. So it's normal for me to look at him right? To steal any glances when I could.

You know, actually I'm a bit shock at something. It just that I find it difficult to write that on my blog. It's personal matters. Until now I feel guilty for going trough my friend's phone. I mean they're dating, all right?! It's a common thing for them. Not for me cause by remembering that thing I still feel so awkward. I doubt I will act normal around her anymore.

University is hectic. I have a lot of assignment, quiz, presentation, and so on. I'm glad that I've made the right choice. I will be taking 22 credits for this semester. No pressure, just do the better everyday.

Hufflepuff

Hi. University's kinda freak me the hell out. The lecturers gave us so much pressure. KRS things make me, physically and mentally, sick. I just hope I've made the right decision for taking Auditing I this semester. So um, I'm a bit motivated by my cousin. They went study abroad, got scholarship, and so on. Based on that, I intend to do the same. I have some plans in my little head and I need a courage to make it real. I feel like I'm so dumb right now. I study economics but I barely hear about the economic development of my own country. First thing to do is read local or inter local or even international newspaper.

In my social life, I like a party pooper. I don't have many friends. I'm not friendly to my classmates. I isolated myself. Lack of self-esteem. I need to be courageous. I wonder why Pottermore put me in Gryffindor.

"Have you ever liked somebody so much, you just wanna lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music, and cry?"

It was Thursday

Sup, loves? How's your valentine? Mine was suck. Kidding. Before I start, I wanna remind you that I'm perfectly straight. I'm 100% into boys. Last night, I had dinner with on of my bitches, Dian. To you maybe that sounds odd and ridiculous. We traveled around from Opal Coffee, Morning, Moscow Circus, and Babura. Next time make sure you already reserved your seat on this occasional day. We ate dimsum, chatted cheerfully, and laughed hysterically. I enjoyed our little dinner. At least I didn't stuck my boney ass on my bed last night.

I feel so dumb right now. I have doubt in taking some classes. I have 24 maximum credit for this semester but my primary subjects only 18 credits. So I take four credits for upper classes subjects and the rest... I don't know. Maybe I take two another credits to remedy my last subject, sadly. Conclusion is I only take 22 credits for this semester. My other friends take advance and I don't wanna take that this semester. I know I have some troubles in Intermediate which is I need to practice even more. I still hope I can do much better in this new semester. Let's cross our fingers ;)

Massive Day's Discourse

Yesterday was hilarious. Words can't describe how I really want to thank you one by one for all your wishes. Especially for my closest friends. They gave me a strawberry shortcake! I really have no idea, guys, I'm feeling so overwhelmed. I mean, since I was in high school, you always give me a birthday cake. Well mostly my hot bitches from bxc did so, I haven't get one from them this year, but it still counts.

Being nineteen reminds me that next year I will no longer be a teenager. I still have feeling that I never do my best in every aspect of my life. Sometimes I fly so high that people can't reach me, sometimes I fall down in a deep hole and I'm stuck and I can't get out on my own. I even needed someone's hand reaching to pull me up. I have no achievement this far. It's embarrassing. What makes me different from my old high school self? I'm sick every time I hear someone on my age has an achievement, has gone to other countries or places to study, or at least has some jobs and got paid from it. What am I?

Okay, stop this drama. Stop being a victim and loser. I just need to focus in present. Regret changes nothing in past, kills time in present. Maybe this feeling is just because of father's birthday lecture. Sometimes we need to look up to get the motivation and we need to look down to appreciate what we have.

"An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it."

Chickens Got Free

Hello, it's me. Exams finally is over and I'm gonna back to my former activity which are reading, sleeping, and dreaming. I hope the results come out good so I don't need to lock my room and cry all over my pillow. Though I doubt with my AIS, MIS, and intermediate. Oh God... help us, especially me.

So what I'm aiming to post is the tragedy which is happen last night. Yesterday was the last day of finals. After that, my bitches and I went to Thamrin Plaza to explore "Rumah Hantu". We would like to explore Pulau Hantu and let me tell you that was amazing. For instant, I screamed a lot. The place was so dark and the people were horrible. As we landed near the finish line, there was a pocong (google it, if you have no clue) and he was so freaking tall. He surprised us and I screamed at the top of my lung till my throat and my head hurt. I ran along the way and I almost fell. Note to self, never use high hell shoes when you've decided to burn calories.

Then we decided to have some foods. After having a good time of chatting, mocking, joking, laughing, and bullying, we went to Inul Vizta. This was where it began...

Febry rode her car and crossed the street. Then a police demand us to step aside. We have no the slightest idea what cause this but what I know that time was that Febry pushed her pedal in a great pressure and we ran away. That was the very first time for me and for her and maybe for the rest of my bitches, ran away from cops and just been a wanted. Febry kept driving like a mad scientist and picked some smaller ways. Ester kept looking at the back, looking at the cops who was trying to chase us. Knees trembling, consciences speaking, hearts tickling in our chest. Escaped.

We spent one hour in family ktv then back home. I called my mom to pick me up and I need to wait several minutes. Thank God, Vivian and Febry were there,we got thirsty and we had drinks at desolated cafe. The waiters weren't pro, drinks were standard, and we spent 30 minutes until our drinks served. Sweet merlin.

Overall, I did have a quality time with my bitches. Chatting, laughing, mocking, bullying, escaping. I will never tell my parents about the tragedy. I doubt they would give me any permissions if I told them what happened.

I feel that we are like chickens who stay in a cage. Waiting to get skinned. Have a very little chance to free. Accidentally the cage's open and we run away like crazy chickens. People get scared, they give us a look "you-chickens-infected-with-a-virus".