Pretenses

Christmas is here, bringing joy for young and old. How have you been, love? Thank God for giving me recovery everyday. So December should be a happy and joyful month for me but not this year. Some things have happened to my life. A big change & truth that brought us to the pretenses. I think I like it. I knew all the truths, it didn't sound so different from what I thought. It just that we've came to the truth, conclusion, pretenses, and live our life like how it fits to us.

I've been through storms in my life. This one was different, that was the strongest one. It broke my heart, crashed my hope, gave me tears. Some things are better meant to be, so people said that. I don't know if it will get better like it used to be. Thing that I scared the most is that I have a thought that something was once lost, can never really return.

It leads me to doubt to the most famous word in this stinky world. I'd never believe it anyway. Like I said, it crashed my hope. I think better for me to be alone, ignore some people who have influence in my heart. And, fortunately, it works. Don't think I sprint off when people approached. I have friends. We chatted, laughed. Mostly they started the conversation, actually, and I zoned out. I always think that I bore my friends with my current state. That thing really pulls me with itself, to hide in the darkness, to make friend with it.

So, don't let my post ruin your Christmas. I hope you all have a blessed Christmas and have a great time with your family.

Give me an old fashioned Christmas. Family faces, wild open spaces, covered with snow.