Temporary

My friends and I (Kichong) went to Mikie Holiday last Wednesday. We celebrated our temporary freedom from exams. Too tired too writing it one bye one and I suppose to read some chapters for tomorrow classes. Here are the photos :) (only two btw :p)

Ironically

Sup? Mid test was over. Here I am, feeling like blogging is the wise idea. My second-to-last semester is killing me. I have a mountain of homework, presentations, quizzes and so on. The lecturers are killer. Their teaching method is scaring the hell out of me. They are like asking you questions, if you can not answer you will not sit for the rest of the lesson or (which the worst), they give you a low score. I miss my old days in university anyway. I have goals in this semester like finding a good title, maintaining my temporary GPA or increasing it, living a healthy life, etc.

Aside from uni's life, I'm so sad right now. I can't tell you what exactly it is but when you're coming home, what do you expect? When you're so tired from all your activities in this dirty world, you expect something good when you arrive at home. But what happen if your second-to-last hiding place is no different with the dirty world? That's how I feel. Like people who might famous had said, "Love is the energy that keep a person sane." Well, let me tell you, the last thing I wanna do in this corrupt life is believing in love between human. What is love, when you keep lying? What is love, when you never show your love? Love is delusional. People might fall in love, the might say they had found their soul mate, true love and another bs. I just pity them for they might wrong. They just feel that way, as long as they're happy, it's love.

So for those who have an affection on me, I'm sorry, I don' have any mutual feeling. I don't want to love.

No Longer a Teenager

So today I turned 20. I thanked God for all the things He had done for me, for His blessings. I thanked my family and friends who keep supporting me. Especially last year when I was sick, very sick, and down. Thank you for being there when I need you. I hope that my wish and your wishes on me will come into reality.

Somehow I feel like an idiot. You know what, deep in my heart, I wish he sends me a greeting for my birthday (like that text that he sent to me last year when I was sick). Ironically, it's impossible. Too dangerous to write down the reason. What if someone visiting my blog and he/she knows all means behind every sentence. Losing pride is the risk.

So, my junior friend invited me to join a reunion tomorrow. I wanted to go even I have an appointment after lunch. I can handle that but one thing. It's quite embarrassing. When I was in junior high, I only had four closest friends. Well honestly, I was popular and I had many friends when I was jhs but only us (me and my girlfriends) who went to different high school. Our ex-school has kindergarten, elementary school, jhs, and shs. So me and my four other friends went to different high school and the rest stayed in the same school. So been away for three years, it loosen our (me and the rest who stayed) knot and the opposite. I have this feeling, feeling like I'm gonna look like a complete stranger to them. I really want to go but I have no company.

Anyway, I'm in misery. I haven't got any exam results yet! and the worst part is I don't know if I'm ready to see the result. Okay...so, I'm tired of writing.

Happy birthday to Me :)

Last night...

was beautiful. You laughed and ran...with me. You were holding my hand. Your hand was so warm and big. I was the happiest girl alive. We were holding hands. But then... I woke up. It just in my dream. I think I'm gonna cry now.

Why Worry

Merry Christmas, loves! May the joy be within you and you family and I hope you have a blessed Christmas. I thank Lord this year I still able to celebrate Christmas with my family and my new dog, Google or Blanco (it has two names). I hope that after Christmas I still can have this happy and thankful feeling. I'm a bit doubt that troubles may come and take all the bliss. But I'm thinking hey that's the point of being a Christian right? Troubles, problems, doubtfulness, and the list goes on with synonyms are meant to be. Those make us stronger and wiser. Jesus, Himself, said "don't you worry". So, my soul, you better relax and live your life to the fullest then let God do the rest.

"Even when God seemed to have abandoned me, He was watching. Even when He seemed indifferent to my suffering, He was watching and when I was beyond all hope of saving... He gave me rest and gave me a sign to continue my journey..."

Life of Pi

How about some instrument from Kenny G? Happy Christmas!

Pretenses

Christmas is here, bringing joy for young and old. How have you been, love? Thank God for giving me recovery everyday. So December should be a happy and joyful month for me but not this year. Some things have happened to my life. A big change & truth that brought us to the pretenses. I think I like it. I knew all the truths, it didn't sound so different from what I thought. It just that we've came to the truth, conclusion, pretenses, and live our life like how it fits to us.

I've been through storms in my life. This one was different, that was the strongest one. It broke my heart, crashed my hope, gave me tears. Some things are better meant to be, so people said that. I don't know if it will get better like it used to be. Thing that I scared the most is that I have a thought that something was once lost, can never really return.

It leads me to doubt to the most famous word in this stinky world. I'd never believe it anyway. Like I said, it crashed my hope. I think better for me to be alone, ignore some people who have influence in my heart. And, fortunately, it works. Don't think I sprint off when people approached. I have friends. We chatted, laughed. Mostly they started the conversation, actually, and I zoned out. I always think that I bore my friends with my current state. That thing really pulls me with itself, to hide in the darkness, to make friend with it.

So, don't let my post ruin your Christmas. I hope you all have a blessed Christmas and have a great time with your family.

Give me an old fashioned Christmas. Family faces, wild open spaces, covered with snow.