Wednesday, June 29, 2016


I do not know what I want right now. I want something new yet I stay. I want talking with some friends yet crowded tortures me. I want to be left alone yet my thought tires me out. I want to be happy yet I can't even crack a smile. I want to be a nice person but I'm too sad and too angry. I want everything works perfectly fine but, shit, that will not be a life.

Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don't think I'm winning anymore

Saturday, June 25, 2016


The more emotions are oppressed, the more they tend to flare up.
That is the kind of creature man is, do you not agree?

Thursday, June 16, 2016

I have a friend

She's not smart, don't judge me, she admitted it herself, she's not beautiful, she's not popular, she's just a common girl. She's the kind of girl you see in high school who comes to school, has small circle of friends to talk, has an acceptable grades, and has no after school activities. She's just there. I also thought the same. She's too plain and no spark, no ambition, not my kind of friend (I know people will hate me for being an arrogant brat I was). I thought I better distance myself because she might give a bad influence.

How sweet, how naive. I am the bad influence honestly.

As years goes by, I find that I like her company. She's funny, she's humble (OMG she does!), she's innocent, she's lucky, she's loyal, she's friendly, she's brave, she's independent, and she's inhumanly strong.

I really want to thank her for teaching me something that I can't get from whatever classes or lessons I have. She taught me to be kind, to be nice, to love and respect others. She indirectly showed me that God's always good. I don't know why she wants to have a friend like me. I ditched her when we were high school. Geez, I remember that I even made her cry once.

She will be leaving town on August and I can't help but feeling blue. She's always there and the thought of her leaving this town is just crush me. I need these people to make me human, to make me normal but they're leaving me. My brother, her...

Guess, I don't have a clue how to survive this year, humanly.

Midnight Musing (2)

I can't sleep. These past few days, I really tried to sleep at 10 pm sharp but it was pointless and useless. When I was really stressed with my uni's problem, I slept easily! Like a friggin' child. Now, when nothings in my mind, I keep wandering the night. I need to sleep seriously for this habit isn't healthy.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Midnight Musing

Sometimes I think I'm not worth anything but I have too much of God's kindness.
A mercy, an unconditional love, a friendship, and...
Sometimes I think that I have wasted too much of God's kindness.
You may say I am an ungrateful person, I do not object.
I tried to change, to love, to care.
God knows I tried indeed.
And, yes, let there be light to light up my life.

Wednesday, June 08, 2016

Dear Lord,

Thank You for giving me the strength
and the conviction
to complete the task you entrusted to me.
Thank You for guiding me straight
and true
through the many obstacles in my path
and for keeping me resolute
when all around seemed lost.
Thank You for Your protection
and Your many signs along the way.
Thank You for any good that I may have done,
I'm so sorry about the bad.
Thank You for the friend I made.
Please watch over her as you watched over me.
Thank You for finally allowing me to rest.
I'm so very tired,
but I go now to my rest at peace.
Knowing that I have done right
with my time on this earth.
I fought the good fight,
I finished the race,
I kept the faith.