Tired of Waiting

Hi, fellas. I'm waiting my lecturer right now and I feel so bored. Well actually I'm sad not bored because you know... sitting here (alone), watching people chasing their dream, seeing them socializing those things are painful. People is pitying you (like I need your pity).
So I've been thinking about my life. I always think why can't I like everybody else? Why can't I just have fun, do things recklessly, forget about the rules, and stop being so damn righteous! I'm so tired. So tired seeing another reckless human living his/her wonderful life. I always wonder why. Why do people like them always get things more easy? You may say that life is unfair, ya I know that, but that doesn't answer my sodding question. Why is life so unfair? Why can't we happy? Why can't we choose to be happy and live it?
I don't know why I acted like this. Maybe my pride is just too sensitive.

A Dare

Boys,
now you see that
I'm neither pretty nor smart
nor witty but a prat.
So I dare you
to love me even more.

Feels Like It

I feel like I want to blow my head with the fire extinguisher. Geez, I've procrastinated A LOT! Sometimes I get envied by seeing my fellow so carefree. Yeah, I'm the cursed one I have no reason to be happy like them. But I just... Oh shut up. There's always buts.

An Innocent Wish

Dear Naomi, happy 22th birthday. I wish you all joyousness in your lucky life. God bless you abundantly.

Ashamed

Not in thy assumption
It just that her emotion
Doesn't want any attention
Is that what she keeps telling on?
No. This person
Knows what humiliation
So weak and fragile
She will cry as she pours her heart
So weak so sad
She's living a fear
She speaks in tears
To save some meaningless pride
She keeps it in her heart
Doesn't know she falls hard
Smile in her face is so fake
So weak so sad
Something's wrong in her head

Numb

Time's ticking, heart's beating, head's spinning. If someone slices my throat with a knife, it wouldn't be more painful than the fate which has to be accepted.

After I, unintentionally, looked that stupid book, I went pale. I wanted to run and cry and whatsoever. Days after days, I was still a sad girl. Those terrible weeks made even a smile couldn't plastered on my face. I was miserable, furious, and sad. My thoughts flew to all my friends which successfully makes me more sad. "Will I be alone?" "Will I look like an idiot if I stay too long?" Even everyone comforted me, I knew one thing only for sure. They would leave me, I was left behind.

So through this post, I want to apologize to everyone who got hurt by me. I'm really sorry if I shut you out, especially my friends and my brother. Sorry for gave you a cold response, sorry for this bad attitude of mine. This week has been so hard and I was so sensitive. I cried in my prayers, every time. I was so jealous of you, guys. Jealousy seriously and unhesitatingly took a big space in my heart.

... but the numbness still had her.